Pacing back and forth behind the tool shed in the yard.
I wonder if anyone else has done the same...

And so here flow my thoughts,
The ones I only speak
When no one is around to hear the sound.

My standards are up for interrogation today.
Am I organized enough, timely enough, task-oriented enough, disciplined enough, focused enough, decisive enough, mature enough, is my work ethic where it should be, is my energy where it should be?
Probably not.

For some things, even many things, I do more than most.
But am I living up to my potential?
Definitely not.

Each of us has so much potential, I'm not really sure it's possible to live up to all of it. Most of the time, it's only out of necessity that people are really pushed to try their potential. Desire usually only gets you so far.

So I'm not doing enough then? I'm not all that I should be? I might as well assess that as the situation; it's been an underlying theme of my life for duration of my memory.
That's okay. That's something I can handle. Life is supposed to be a growing experience. Stagnant living isn't.

Mentally, my life isn't stagnant. The persona that lies behind my actions is growing all the time.
It's the actions that concern me.

It's never enough to say or to think it, it must be done to be completed. It has to be lived.

Two thirds of my actions and my living already exist as part of this story of reform, but it's always the last stretch that is the hardest. And it's also the last stretch that makes the biggest difference. So is it really vain of me to want to be better at getting things done when it's the one characteristic that hasn't ever changed?

I think there's a difference between where you are and who you are.
This is an issue of where I am. Stagnant clearly wasn't worked to my advantage. It works, but it kills me. And it's just not me. How frustrating is it to know you are one person, and then live as another, even when your friends appreciate who you are over your methods?